Okay, Not Quite 40,000 Yet


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In light of high-profile official visits to China by President Bush and Ontario’s Premier McGuinty, the press is a-buzz with tales of the Chinese economic juggernaut soon equalling the monetary power of the USA. After all, China is a nuclear and space power whose exports have flooded the world, whose large population serves as a tempting market for Western products (ain’t gonna happen), and whose espionage shenanigans are making it future enemy #1 for the neocons. (And not just because they possess superior door technology.) Interestingly, despite those bloviating sounds, China is not expected to suffer an energy crisis anytime soon; a quarter of the world’s coal reserves are located there. What China is likely to experience in the near future, believe it or not, is a labour shortage. This has to do with a number of factors, not the least of which is the soaring price of health care in that country. Here is an example of how unaffordable health care in China is driving a sizable segment of their substantial population to misery.

Reason #324 why dogs are better than cats: A bull mastiffe drove away a killer mountain lion. Meanwhile, when a racoon wandered into my brother’s house, his heretofore ferocious and overfed cat hid like a scared little…. pussy.

Okay, let’s do away with the tracking of bestiality stories and move on to another seeming prevalence spike. Have you noticed, in the past couple of years, a dramatic increase in media reports of female teachers having sex with male students? The epidemiological question before us is: has the prevalence of female-teacher-on-male-student-sex (FTOMS) truly increased, or is it an artefact of overreporting? I don’t have the answer (yet). What I do have is a good story.

Breaking news! Chemical weapons have been found in Iraq! Bush was right! Oh wait, the Americans brought them there and are using them. Never mind.

Lost: one video tape containing amateur sex scene. How long before this tape makes it onto the ‘Net? If anyone has any leads, you know where to report them.

I leave you with this story about a Thai zoo offering exotic meats from its own pens! Reminds me of something I tried about 14 years ago: to eat one of everything that has ever lived. My rules stated that I couldn’t just wrestle a kangaroo to the ground and bite its ass. Rather, the meal had to be part of an indigenous cuisine, and I had to go to that country and try the meat in person. I got through a variety of bugs and weird meats in Hong Kong, Japan and Korea. But I was stopped by something I tried in mainland China —rat kebab. I ate it fine. Then I was sick for days afterward, and I realized the stupidity of my quest. Mind you, I might have been made sick by consuming the skewered rodent, or maybe it was because I did so in close proximity to a fellow depositing a steaming turd into a sewer. I guess we’ll never know.

Say it with me, now: Ewwwww.