People On Planes

Greetings from the Toronto airport where I am midway on a voyage to London…. Ontario, that is 🙁

I just spent an hour crammed into the back row of a plane between, of course, two fat people who were both loud and annoying. Believe me: the obesity epidemic is real… which is neither here nor there, except it’s really cramping my style on airplanes.

As I am about to board the flight to London, let me share with you some suggestions to make my flying more enjoyable:

1. if you’re travelling with little kiddies, do take advantage of the early boarding and late de-boarding options. I don’t care how mature you think your 6 year old is, he will slow everything down if he boards with everyone else.

2. Check your bags. Really.

3. if you’re not strong enough to hoist your carry-on into the overhead bin, don’t bring one.

4. if you do have a carry-on, and you can hoist it, dnt just through it into the first available space. Try to put it near your seat. You scrambling around to find your bloody bag when we disembark is why I might miss my flight.

Okay then?