Well Hello Delhi

One thing I forgot to mention was that coinciding with Bush’s visit to India is the Indian launch of “mecca cola”, an Iranian brand designed to be an alcohol- and caffeine-free alternative to imperialist American colas. Seriously. I will attempt to abscond with a bottle.

I know I’m ready to come home because the old ultra-violence is percolating in my blood. It began when I foolishly opted to fly cheap-ass Air Deccan to Delhi. This airline is so inefficient that when the flight was an hour late in departing, no announcements were made, and indeed no airline officials could be found anywhere in the airport. The same thing happened when I arrived in Delhi: no signs, no announcements indicating where the bags were to emerge. And again, no airline officials anywhere in sight.

Speaking of bags, mine were 8 kg overweight. But instead of paying the 560 rupee fine, I instead bribed the Air Deccan official with 300 rupees (which is all I had). Consider what happened: my 8kg were no longer accounted for. If there were more rupee-challenged, dishonest and overweight travellers like me, the plane might have been hundreds of kilograms overweight, and no one would have registered that fact. Corruption truly can kill.

Arriving at Delhi, I was accosted by someone dressed as an official who led me to one of the standard pre-paid taxi booths, which is the only way to avoid being scammed– or so I thought.

Turns out it was a front for an expensive livery company and the “official” was a fake. I was conned out of a chunk of cash for what should have been a cheap ride. I knew I had been conned the second I handed over my money, but by then it was too late.

But here’s the best part. The fake official had the nerve to ask me for a tip after he’d just conned me! So I explained to him in great detail all the delicious ways that I was going to beat the shit out of him.

He didn’t stick around very long.