Toronto To Ottawa Via Via

Greetings from the first class (Via 1) car of VIA Rail’s direct roll to
Ottawa. Yes, in my unemployed splendour, I have opted to splurge on some
minor luxury in the form of spacious seats, over-salted but fancy-sounding
meals and all-you-can-drink booze.

These days there’s also free wi-fi, but for some reason I canna connect,
Keptin. So i’m blogging from my trusty pda. A shame, since I’d hoped to
watch streaming online episodes of Smallville and DS9 to kill
the 5 hour drunken trip. Instead I’ll have to watch my pirated vcd of the
new “Donner cut” of Superman II. Don’t know what I’m talkin’ ’bout,
Willis? Google it, friend, google it.

Due to overwhelming apathy it just fell to me to be briefed by the engineer
on operating the emergency doors. It’s actually fairly complicated for a
drunken passenger. Let’s hope no one actually has to rely on me to operate
the dang things.

OK… got Notorious B.I.G. playing on the headphones, got the top button of
my jeans undone, got more booze on the way, and a bottle of Gravol in
reserve if things really get boring…

…Oh yeah, forgot to mention. On my way out the door, my father said to
me: “You know, I think you’re getting fat.”

AUUUUGHHHH!!!!

More on this horrifying development later.