It’s Official


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It’s official. I will never again watch a first run movie in the theatre,
unless it’s been out for at least a month. I just saw the new “animated”
Beowulf, a magnificent rendering of Neil Gaiman’s take of the oldest story
in the English language. It was well told, with good pacing, a clever plot
and a delicate directorial touch.

But the experience was ruined -once again- by the army of suburban idiots
who, as always, are incapable of rendering sufficient respect for their
precious cultural and linguistic heritage.

Cell phones went off three times. One time, a fellow actually had a WHOLE
CONVERSATION on the phone! Throughout were the low (not whispering) voices

of barely literate boyfriends explaining fairly obvious plot points to
their supremely stupid girlfriends. And during every moment of cinematic
silence -of which there are many in this interpretation- some stupid
adolescent shouts out with an unfunny joke.

Do yourselves a favour: rent it when it comes out on dvd.

I think there’s a market here for a theatre to make some money if it
advertises special screening rooms with strictly policed behavioural codes.

The big movie companies complain that piracy is reducing their profits. I
blame usher-free theatres, which reduce the impetus for anyone over 17 to
actually pay to see a movie.