The Brown Jude Law


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So I was doing a book reading earlier this week, as part of International Development Week. As I was on my way out, a woman says to me, “You look like someone…”

I know where she’s going with this, so I cut her off. “Yeah, a young Tony Curtis.” It’s true. I do look like a young Tony Curtis, with a dash of Johnny Mathis, and maybe a little Audrey Tautou. (Yes, I know she’s a chick. Grow up.)

But no. She continued: “No, no… who’s that guy? Yeah. Jude Law. You’re a brown Jude Law.”

Now, as we all know by now, I have a fairly high opinion of myself. But even I know better than to liken myself to one of the handsomest men in the world. Literary fans are few and far between. Why must mine have such poor eyesight?

For science’s sake, let’s compare our mugs. First, here’s Jude:


And here’s me in all my squinty finery:

This woman is clearly delusional. I’m much better looking than Jude Law.

For the sake of scholarly completeness, here are Tony Curtis, Johnny Mathis and Audrey Tautou:


Despite this woman’s error, it was suggested to me that I should milk this unfortunate conflation, by perhaps wearing a T-shirt that says, “Brown Jude Law.” Of course, there are those who would wish to abbreviate such a statement, and I’m not about to be caught on the street wearing the words, “B.J. Law.” In my belief system, the state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation.

And because I love you all, I leave you with this priceless video, which the world has come to call “Benny Lava“: