Nature’s Proctologist

I got a hefty speeding ticket Tuesday morning, just as I was completing my regular run from Toronto to Ottawa (in the province of Ontario, for all ye furr’ners). I don’t mind the ticket; if I break the law, I have no problem paying the fine.

But the cop asked me if I had any previous speeding tickets. I confessed that I had, about a year earlier. So he went back to his car and clicked on his mobile computer for about 20 minutes. When he returned, he said he found no record of my earlier violation.

“Probably because it was in Quebec,” I offered. (For ye non-Canucks, Quebec is another province, adjacent to Ontario.)

“That explains it,” he said. Then: “So, did you ever find that passport you lost 3 years ago?”

I answered no. But I was taken aback by the question. See, three years ago my passport was stolen from me in New York. As I blogged at the time, the process of getting a new one was a royal pain in the ass, with no substantive assistance from the Canadian consulate in New York city. In fact, when I was given my replacement passport, I was told that if I ever lost another one, I’d be investigated.

So let’s break down these events, shall we? The Ontario cop was unable to confirm that I had received a ticket in the neighbouring province of Quebec. But he was able to access federal information relating to my travel documents. Does this seem unreasonable to anyone else?

Additionally, I was the victim of a crime (my passport was stolen). As a result of being a victim, I am now apparently on some sort of watchlist for federal documentation fraud, deemed sufficiently serious that a highway cop brings it up during a routine traffic violation stop.

The next time someone tries to tell you that Canada is a free country devoid of government shenanigans, give ’em a good kick in the shins.

In Other News…

The Other Ray sends us this nifty Dalek voice changer! Also, he sends us nice pics of colliding galaxies.

Medzilla sends us another great TED lecture.

Brother Bhash sends us this expose on what Rumsfeld may have known.

Nasty Nicky B sends us this great web comics series.

Further to my last post on old dudes staying in shape, The Other Ray sends us this inspirational article.

The Other Ray also (I hope ironically) sends us this ridiculous video providing “proof” of intelligent design, based on the “observation” that foods that are good for a certain body part actually look like that body part. Yes, it’s as stupid as it sounds. Why aren’t cucumbers good for erectile dysfunction, then? Or boiled eggs for waning eyesight? Or cauliflower for haemorrhoids?

The fact remains that, depending on how you slice it (literally), anything can be perceived to resemble anything else. This is not proof of Zod‘s greater plan, but rather (based on the comments after the video) that Zod has seen fit to fill his planet with imbeciles.

Because all is intelligently designed, I leave you with this lasting image of the elephant, nature’s proctologist: