Bring Back Kirk

Hmmm, what shall I write about today? Discord in the middle east? The upcoming prime ministerial showdown in Canada? How about Obama’s reactions to emerging global concerns?

Nope. Today we talk about Star Trek… and not just because Majel Roddenberry is dead.

I re-watched Star Trek: Generations the other day, the one in which one of my boyhood heroes, James T Kirk, is killed. I really enjoyed that movie; I think it had a lot of heart, even though it was clearly made on leftover change. What I didn’t like was how they killed Kirk. See, I was one of the few people walking into the theatre who had no idea they were going to off the good Captain. I sat there with my mouth hanging open when it happened.

As Kirk said inThe Final Frontier, he always knew he would die alone. Well he wasn’t alone. He was killed first when Malcolm McDowell shot him in the back. Then, when test audiences protested, the studio spent an additional $5 million re-shooting a very lame sequence in which Kirk dies when a bridge falls on him. A bridge!

A timeless icon of American culture, a man who fought (and defeated) Klingons, Romulans, the Gorn, humpback whales and even the god Apollo himself was taken down by… a fucking bridge?

Kirk should have taken command of the Enterprise D, as the original script idea had called for, and led the Next Generation crew into battle against the Klingons… but not before first goosing Commander Troi and knocking Worf on his ass.

There are several websites dedicated to both regretting Kirk’s death and calling for his resurrection –like this post by Battlestar Galactica writer Ronald Moore and, of course, BringBackKirk.com.

My favourite of these sites, though, is the ever popular Top 100 Reasons Why Kirk is Better Than Picard. Here are some gems:

  • When Picard went back in time he brought back Data’s head. When Kirk went back in time he brought back a blonde.
  • When Sisko met Picard he told him he hated him. When Sisko met Kirk he got his autograph.
  • When Picard has a problem he talks to Guinan about it. When Kirk has a problem he shoots it.
  • Kirk’s Enterprise did not have a day care.
  • The only Klingon serving on Kirk’s bridge would be a dead one.
  • When Sarek mind melded with Picard, Picard cried a lot. When Sarek mind melded with Kirk, Kirk decided to hijack the Enterprise and bring Spock back from the dead.
  • Kirk’s dress uniform does not actually look like a dress.
  • Kirk would never allow his first officer to get more tail than he does.
  • Picard’s first officer is named after a bathroom code.
  • When Data hijacked the Enterprise, Picard was helpless to stop him. When Spock hijacked the Enterprise Kirk fought him to the death.
  • Picard once wore formal Klingon robes for a Klingon ceremony. If Kirk ever wore Klingon robes it would be because he took them off a dead Klingon.
  • When Kirk disguised himself as a Romulan, he stole a cloaking device and used it to escape to Federation space. When Picard disguised himself as a Romulan he ate some soup and then got captured.
  • Kirk went to the center of the universe, met god and wasn’t impressed.
  • Style: Kirk did it first, he did it better and he did it wearing gold velour and Beatle-boots with a space girl on each arm.

I also just finished watching UFC 92. Frank Mir is an inspiration. And the deaf fighter, Matt Hamill, was fascinating, especially how his corner has to communicate with him. That got me to finding this, a tape of some of the more brutal moments in MMA history. Dig John McCain’s contribution:

As well, here’s a rare online clip of the now famous war between Stephan Bonnar and Forrest Griffin, a match that in many ways changed mixed martial arts history in North America by showing a regular broadcast TV audience how unbelievable this sport can be.

In Other News…

Here’s a BBC documentary on how much science the new incoming US President needs to know.

And here’s a slideshow of the the biggest douchebags of 2008. Enjoy!