The agony! Something happened during my tip to New Haven this past weekend to further herniate my healing L4/L5 lumbar disc. I’ve been horizontal on my floor, drugged up to my eyeballs, ever since. I’m toying with the idea of getting my sweet ass to the hospital for an epidural steroid. We’ll see.
And because I can’t go anywhere and do anything except lie on my floor and watch fuzzy videos on my computer, I now also have a permanent headache.
To help quell the pain, here are some professor-themed bits from Overheard in New York. Remember, these are real snippets of overheard conversation:
Professor: Not only will I take off points, but I will go and TP your house.
Student: It’s a really long drive…
Professor: It’s worth it to me.
Relaxed professor, talking about his past: When I was younger my friends and I would go to McDonald’s for the fries, and Burger King for the burgers.
20-something student: My grandmother told me she did the same thing!
Relaxed professor: Yeah, we dated.
Professor: … Immanuel Kant.
Girl #1: What’s that guy’s name? Cunt?
Girl #2: Kant.
Girl #1: Cunt?
Girl #2: Kant.
Girl #1: Cunt?
Professor: What is significant about the character’s reaction?
Chick: Well, you can tell he’s scared because he’s really pale.
Professor: …what do you mean, he’s pale? It’s a black and white film, they’re all pale.
Puzzled student: Professor, according to the syllabus we have a paper due in a week… What’s it on?
Equally puzzled philosophy professor: You have a paper due in a week? I was afraid of that!
Puzzled student: Also, according to the syllabus, we don’t even have class today. There’s…nothing written there.
Equally puzzled philosophy professor: Really? Huh. Well, I must have been drunk when I did that.
NYU student: I feel like the professor didn’t scare me enough about the final exam y’know? So then, like, I didn’t get nervous enough, so then I didn’t study enough, so then I didn’t do well on it, y’know? So, like, it’s really my professor’s fault, y’know?
Student to professor during final: Do you want us to use our intelligence or follow the instructions?
Professor: Obviously, this was a very difficult sound to pronounce. Not Latin, Greek, or even Sanskrit uses it. It does not occur outside of the proto-Indo-European language.
Student: Why did they use it?
Professor: They didn’t.
Student: I mean the Indo-Europeans — if it was so difficult to pronounce, why would–
Professor, interrupting: Why the hell does anybody do anything?!
Professor: C’mon, people, we’ve all done it. It’s called a hand job. The priestess gave the statue a hand job every morning to keep the world going.
Student: Um, how did she know when the statue finished?
Professor: Well… I guess… when the sun came up.
Latina #1: So, this professor went to Yale and shit and he, like, expects us to be Yale material.
Latina #2: I know, I be hatin’ that.
Professor guy: Remember, next week’s exam will cover all the material from the past three weeks.
Chick: Uh, ‘scuse me? When are we going to get to the Zodiac signs?
Professor guy: Um, you do know this is astronomy and not astrology, right?
In Other News…
From Darth Vadum: a photo of Sir Richard Branson with a naked supermodel on his back. This just looks creepy.