More Bits of Tid
My friend Mieke K., who’s now living in London, UK, went to an auction and found the following for sale:
It’s cologne made by Dean and Dan Catenacci, founders of DSquared. The cologne was going for some unZodly amount.
Why is this relevant? Because Mieke and I went to high school with Dean and Dan. Strange to find a product made by high school friends being sold with such aplomb at a London auction house, no?
Okay, I thought it was interesting.
What else have I got for you today? DeeMack sends us this feature about fan stories surrounding some famous movie narratives. Trust me, they’re much more interesting and plausible than the movies themselves. I particularly like the far superior theory surrounding the Matrix (*cough* crap *cough*) movies.
Also from DeeMack, apparently the Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:
- Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
- Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
- Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
- Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
- Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
- Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
- Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
- Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
- Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
- Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
- Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
- Decafalon (n..): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
- Glibido: All talk and no action..
- Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
- Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
- Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
- Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
- Coffee (n.): The person upon whom one coughs.
- Flabbergasted (adj.): Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
- Abdicate (v.): To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
- Esplanade (v.): To attempt an explanation while drunk.
- Willy-nilly (adj.): Impotent.
- Negligent (adj.): Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
- Lymph (v.): To walk with a lisp.
- Gargoyle (n.): Olive-flavored mouthwash.
- Flatulence (n.): Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
- Balderdash (n.): A rapidly receding hairline.
- Testicle (n.): A humorous question on an exam.
- Rectitude (n.): The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
- Pokemon (n.): A Rastafarian proctologist.
- Frisbeetarianism (n.): The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
- Circumvent (n.): An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
In Other “News”
You never know where a blog post is going to end up. My H1N1 vaccination post has been popping up all over the ‘Net, including on the blog of Keith and Darcie Dow. I don’t know who these people are. They’re welcome to my words, as is everyone else, so long as my name remains attached, as the Dows have done.
Sadly, my post on Obama’s failures thus far appears on this discussion forum, resulting in not quite the quality of discourse I had hoped for.
And every now and then some wingnut conservative discussion forum picks up my 2004 blog post about Belinda Stronach (scroll to Jan 16).
Actually, there isn't any “Mensa Invitational,” but The Washington Post does have a wonderfully clever humor contest called The Style Invitational. And two Invitational contests from 1998 are the sources of many of the neologisms in the list above. (But not all: For example, “decafalon” isn't a one-letter change from “decathlon,” is it? Or “caterpallor”?)
Much better to see the the current Invitational — every week at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. We've had more than 600 contests since the ones above! The Style Invitational is published every Saturday in The Post's Style (features) section, and every Friday afternoon at about 3:30 Eastern time. There are neologism contests regularly, but also lots of other sources of humor as well.
For example, here are some of the winners of our May 22 contest to overlap two names, or a name and an expression:
Mike Tyson Chicken:”Mmm, tastes just like ear!” (Malcolm Fleschner, Palo Alto, Calif.)
Harry S. Truman Capote: The sign on his desk says, “Young bucks, stop here!” (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.
Sugar Ray Leonardo da Vinci: He puts guys down on canvas. (Beverley Sharp, Washington))
And here are the top winners of our May 7 neologism contest for single-word spoonerisms — where the first letters of different syllables were switched:
Inpocchio: Imprisonment for lying. (Ann Martin, Bracknell, England)
Thirber: Someone who makes up a story about the secret life of another person. (Kathy Hardis Fraeman, Olney, Md.)
Karping: “You'll never fit in that space, Harold. You're too close to the curb, Harold!” (Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)
Scorohope: Believing you'll get lucky because of your sign. (Chris Lopez, Reston, Va.)
In another contest, every word had to include a block of three consecutive letters of the alphabet — backward.
Flingpong: Having your own affair to get even with a cheating spouse. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
Burpon: Carbonated whiskey. (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park, Md.)
Zyxzag: Path created during a DWI test when the cop makes you walk 20 steps while reciting the alphabet in reverse. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
See the rest of the winners and learn how to enter the current contest at washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. Or you can become a fan of “Washington Post Style” on Facebook (go to facebook.com/wapostyle ) and you'll get a link to the Invitational when it's posted. I hope you become a regular reader and maybe even a regular entrant.
Best,
The Empress of The Style Invitational
The Washington Post