In My Ass

Today I noticed something odd on the University of Ottawa campus: someone(s) had spent an inordinate amount of time writing inspirational messages on post-it notes and affixing them to strategic surfaces in multiple buildings all over the university.

Now, I’m sure the intent was pure and the the effect was inoffensive and largely inconsequential. But I’m a cynical, big city asshole who just can’t stand to see good people do good things for altruistic purposes. So, in short, I hate that shit.  Yes, it’s a character flaw on my part.  But there it is.

As a result, my grad student Jessica and I embarked on a stupid, time-wasting adventure. We photographed 22 of these post-its and, in our minds, added a certain phrase to the end of each post-it’s message.

That phrase? “In my ass.”

Go on, try it. After each of the following inspirational messages, add “in my ass.” It improves the quality and experience a thousandfold. This strategy also works for fortune cookies, by the way.

So let’s begin…

…in my ass.

See how this works? Now let’s try the others:

And our grand prize winner…

…in my ass.

You’re welcome.