You know, I was up all night designing an online survey to deliver to you, my droogies. I was going to unveil it this morning in all is glory. It was going to run for months, at the conclusion of which I would have shared its findings, specifically what kinds of people are lurking about; who are you (mostly) silent folk who click on this site 200 times a day?


Doing It Doggy Style

In this corner, eloquent firebrand anti-Bush Scottish MP George Galloway, best known for having John Malkovich want to kill him. In that corner, pro-war ideological turncoat Christopher Hitchens, known for the enormous chip on shoulder. That’s right, babies, it’s the pansy intellectual cage match of the decade! Those of you in New York, please attend this event and report back to me. Please!

What’s that? Indian militants are producing porn to pay for their insurgency? As you know, I am a great champion of pornography, mostly because I like the idea of people staying the heck out of other people’s business and crotches. But the issue here is not about pornography, but rather explicit sexual abuse. If villagers were willingly taking part in this industry to support their favourite terrorists, then more power to them; it’s a novel and creative way to fund their enterprise. But I gather that women are being forced into these activities and villages are being terrorized. This is organized crime at its core and moral degradation at its lowest, and I have nothing but contempt for the people behind this venture. I link to it here so that my readers can get a better understanding of my personal morals, but also so that we all can learn about terrors being forced upon peoples a world away.

Meanwhile, topless virgins vie to to be the wife of the 37-year old king of Swaziland. You know, I just turned 38. No topless virgins vied for my company! What gives?

Okay, how do I bring this up? It seems, for the past few months, that everyday I am greeted with a story of someone having sex with a dog. There, I said it. Today it was this one. People are writing to sex advice columnists on how best to get their dog in the mood. And let’s not forget about that Seattle man who died after being the ingler for a horse; it seems he was visiting a barnyard animal brothel. There’s even a heavily visited site that provides instructions for the would-be dog fucker! (The research I do for you people.)

What is going on here?!!

Is this a sudden new social trend? It seems to have found berth with both men and women from seemingly all walks of life. Has it always been around (hey, we all saw those videos in high school), and is only now growing in media prominence? Or, God forbid, were the fundamentalists right and our society’s growing acceptance of all things sexual led to this point? I don’t know what to say about this, since data is actually scarce. But a statistic is often bandied about regarding 10% of farmboys having had sex with an animal, so clearly this is not a new trend. But what’s with the seemingly new obsession with dogs? They smell like shit and are not the least bit sexy.

Now, my opinion about sex is this: do whatever the hell you want so long as everyone involved is an adult and has given informed consent. An animal cannot give consent, and is therefore the victim of abuse. End of story.

It’s sad that I even have to make that argument. Ewww. Or ewe.

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