Headline from the Times: Obestity fuels growing “boy-boob” problem. To my brothers in moobishness, I feel your pain. If I were to abandon my regimented programme of bench presses and push-ups –an eventuality of age!– I fear that what pass for my pecs would quickly transform into the dreaded “man boobs”, as well.

Fans of Seinfeld know that Kramer had a solution: the “manzier” or “bro”:

Personally, I prefer the term “pectacle” for a male sports bra. And no one can steal it now, ’cause I’ve mentioned it here and it’s date stamped!

In other news…

Brother Bhash sends us news of a new device that can turn waste heat into electricity. He likens it to “green glue“.

Today’s Daily Perv Links (TM) are twofold, one fanciful and the other disturbing. The latter is news that a Calgary child molester had also had his way with victims of the canine persuasion. The former is news of a New England play that features illegal dog-loving in a character-affirming way. But the question before us still persists: are these stories indicative of the mainstreaming of this particular illicit activity?

I got a hefty speeding ticket Tuesday morning, just as I was completing my regular run from Toronto to Ottawa (in the province of Ontario, for all ye furr’ners). I don’t mind the ticket; if I break the law, I have no problem paying the fine.

But the cop asked me if I had any previous speeding tickets. I confessed that I had, about a year earlier. So he went back to his car and clicked on his mobile computer for about 20 minutes. When he returned, he said he found no record of my earlier violation.

“Probably because it was in Quebec,” I offered. (For ye non-Canucks, Quebec is another province, adjacent to Ontario.)

“That explains it,” he said. Then: “So, did you ever find that passport you lost 3 years ago?”

I answered no. But I was taken aback by the question. See, three years ago my passport was stolen from me in New York. As I blogged at the time, the process of getting a new one was a royal pain in the ass, with no substantive assistance from the Canadian consulate in New York city. In fact, when I was given my replacement passport, I was told that if I ever lost another one, I’d be investigated.

So let’s break down these events, shall we? The Ontario cop was unable to confirm that I had received a ticket in the neighbouring province of Quebec. But he was able to access federal information relating to my travel documents. Does this seem unreasonable to anyone else?

Additionally, I was the victim of a crime (my passport was stolen). As a result of being a victim, I am now apparently on some sort of watchlist for federal documentation fraud, deemed sufficiently serious that a highway cop brings it up during a routine traffic violation stop.

The next time someone tries to tell you that Canada is a free country devoid of government shenanigans, give ‘em a good kick in the shins.

In Other News…

The Other Ray sends us this nifty Dalek voice changer! Also, he sends us nice pics of colliding galaxies.

Medzilla sends us another great TED lecture.

Brother Bhash sends us this expose on what Rumsfeld may have known.

Nasty Nicky B sends us this great web comics series.

Further to my last post on old dudes staying in shape, The Other Ray sends us this inspirational article.

The Other Ray also (I hope ironically) sends us this ridiculous video providing “proof” of intelligent design, based on the “observation” that foods that are good for a certain body part actually look like that body part. Yes, it’s as stupid as it sounds. Why aren’t cucumbers good for erectile dysfunction, then? Or boiled eggs for waning eyesight? Or cauliflower for haemorrhoids?

The fact remains that, depending on how you slice it (literally), anything can be perceived to resemble anything else. This is not proof of Zod’s greater plan, but rather (based on the comments after the video) that Zod has seen fit to fill his planet with imbeciles.

Because all is intelligently designed, I leave you with this lasting image of the elephant, nature’s proctologist:

The Royal Canadian Mounted Police raided the headquarters of the Conservative Party of Canada, at the request of Elections Canada. For my non-Canadian readers, the RCMP is the equivalent of Canada’s federal police (like the FBI in the USA and the Federales in Mexico); and the Conservative Party is the current ruling party of Canada. Elections Canada is the government body –held religiously at arms length from the political bodies, for obvious reasons– that is tasked with making sure that all of Canada’s democratic processes are fair and legal.

The news report gave no indication of why the warrant was issued. But typically such drastic measures do not take place unless there is strong suspicion that federal election laws, possibly of a monetary nature, were being broken by the Conservative Party. All this comes within shouting distance of a possible election call.

Of course, those of us who hate this despicable, regressive, corrupt, ideological and unscientific government giggle in glee at this news. But let’s remember that the investigation is still underway, and it would be premature to jump to any conclusions regarding (a) the reasons for the raid, and (b) the guilt of the Party.

However, what’s really curious is to see how the right wing blogosphere has been responding to the news. Remember that the Conservatives are the “law and order” party, the one likes to lick the boots of anyone in uniform, give all sorts of lip service to “rules” and “honour” and other hollow formularies of shallow thought. Thus, it’s all the more delicious to see the apologists scurry with rationales such as these:

“…it was a perfect example of the kind of bully tactics the folks at Elections Canada like to use to intimidate anyone who dares to oppose them.” -Gerry Nichols, Conservative Party insider, commenting at that bastion of supreme hypocritical banality, the Western Standard Blog.

“Where’s the crime here? Campaign finance laws should be scraped.” -Matthew Johnston, Western Standard Blog. Gee, Matthew, whatever happened to the ruling party obeying the law?

“What bothers me is that the RCMP raided the offices of a political party to enforce a law that should either be entirely ignored or enforced lightly and discretely.” -same Matthew Johnston above, completely and willfully ignorant of the fact that the governing party cannot pick and choose which laws to follow.

“In this democracy, one does not have to lie down and let the state screw you. One is lawfully required to resist.” -dewp, also at the Western Standard. Um… who’s screwing whom? This particular party IS the state!

“Oh drat! They’re on to Harper! How dare he try to make life better for people outside of Toronto!” -Zebulon Pike. Yeah, because Toronto runs both Elections Canada and the RCMP. Jesus Christ.

And on and on it goes. It’s all oh so sweet. Even if nothing comes of this investigation, the nature of these apologist scramblings are instructive enough.

And since I’m lacking a photo for this particular post, I leave you with a giraffe humping a donkey… or, as the kids say, “tapping that ass”:

PS. It looks kinda fake to me.

Update #2 (June 28, 2011): It concerns me greatly that an increasing number of people are entering the search terms “dog f**king stories” to get to this post. I’ve finally had enough and have changed the name of this post. At first it was kind of funny to mislead the repressed and perverse, but now it’s just concerning. Now please go and get some therapy; your bestial tendencies are an indication of something troubling and perhaps broken.

Update (July 23, 2010): This post has become, by far, the most visited page on any of my websites. Why? Because so many of you pervs are entering the search terms “dog f**king stories.”  Seriously? What the hell is wrong with you people?

“Say uncle!”

Thanks to Google Analytics, I took a brief look at the profiles of visitors to Deonandan.com. In this past month, I got about 2000 visits, half of whom came directly here, while the rest either got here from links or from search engine results.

It’s the latter that I find curious. Know what the top search terms leading people to Deonandia were? Can you guess? I would think “science”, “politics”, “epidemiology” or even “Guyana” might be at the top.

Nope. The #1 search term was “Winkypedia”, as a result of this post. Number two was “jello tree”, as a result of this post. And the number 3 search term leading people to this, the virtual presence of all things Raywat Deonandan is…. “dog f**king stories.”

That’s right. People come here, not to learn about my scholarly or literary pursuits, or to engage in political discussion, or even to be entertained by my frivolous thoughts about the state of science fiction. They come because they want to wank over “dog f**king stories”. My parents must be so proud.

On a similar note, do a Google search for “daily perv link” and see what comes up. Yes, I’ve made my mark on the Internet.

Other findings: The #5 top search term that brings people here is “wankmaster“, followed closely by “big cervix”. Number 10 is “how to summon a UFO”, while #17 is “ugly brides“. But my two favourites are #27 and #28: “light ass” and “must save porn“, respectively.

Of course, the interesting part isn’t that “light ass” and “dog f**king stories” lead people here. Rather, it’s that people are unironically typing “light ass” and “dog f**king stories” into their search boxes.

So, I want to make it clear: while I may speak and write profanely, this is not a porn site.  Nor do I advocate for the sexual exploitation of the vulnerable, and that includes animals.  So please don’t come here seeking that kind of titillation, or any kind, for that matter.

Please consult the Deonandan.com disclaimer.

In Other News…

Nasty Nicky B. is a much better writer than me. He has a nice post on the nature of democracy here.

George Bush believes Hillary Clinton will win the Democratic nomination and lose to a Republican. I can’t say I fault his reasoning. Hillary Clinton is poison to the Democratic party: a Republican Lite. Should she win the nomination (and I think she will), this fellow believes Obama should run as an independent.

Here ya go. Stolen, of course, from Fark.com:

And for my fellow wrestling fans, I give you this:

And further to my earlier posts about growing old and muscle mass, check out this very sad photo of the aging Arnold Schwarzeneggar:

Droogies, tonight is the last full lunar eclipse the northern hemisphere will see until Dec 2010. So stay up late and watch the cosmic juju!

You may recall a while back that I reported on a “barnyard brothel” in Washington for those folks with peculiar bestial sexual tastes. You may also recall that the story came to national prominence after one of the clients, after having paid to be the willing ingler (i.e., recipient) of some old fashioned horse lovin’, succumbed to the resulting (and fairly unavoidable, I should think) internal injuries.

Well, apparently the dude’s Yahoo! profile is still up. Yep, looks like a horse fucker to me. The best part is that under “hobbies”, he has included “horses”. Ya think?

The entire sordid affair is summarized here, with a link at the bottom to a video allegedly of the deed itself. Trust me: you do not need to see this video. But I include it here because I know at least one of you wants to.

There are two silver linings to this story. First, as a result, the state of Washington was forced to reconsider its stance that interspecies sex with animals over 100 lbs is not illegal. And second, I got to discover the Encyclopaedia of Stupid.

In other news (Let’s quickly change this subject)….

Today’s SF Book of the Day: I just finished reading Clarke and Baxter’s The Light of Other Days, a brilliant science fiction novel about the greatest communications revolution in history– the ability to watch anyone, anywhere in the Universe, from any perspective and at any time. The book cleverly explores all the possible societal and psychological implications of such a technology.

One of the interesting parlour exercises it presents, however, is cogitating upon what historical event you would watch if you could observe anything that happened at any time in history. I think we would quickly tire of watching ourselves in the past, and maybe even our parted loved ones, and would soon dial the machine back to the most interesting moments of the past.

Even as a non-Christian, I think one of my first stops would be to observe the life of Jesus Christ– a topic fully explored in the book. I think the early days of Mohammed’s revelations would be fascinating to watch, as well. The assassination of JFK? A given. Or maybe even watch Robert Johnson sell his soul to the devil.

What would you watch? (And don’t say you’d watch that horse-shtupper in the barn; there’s already video of that.)

One of the great joys in life is thinking up real or fantastical titles for porno movies, based on actual mainstream movies. Why? Why not? Here’s my list of favourites:

Sperms of Endearment
Das Butt
Mr Holland’s Penis
Shaving Ryan’s Privates
The Gaytrix
Edward Penishands
Star Whores
Sleeping Booty
Forrest Hump
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Cum
The Sperminator
Romancing The Bone
The Porn Identity (and its predictable sequels)
Snatch Addams
Schindler’s Fist
Riding Miss Daisy
Good Will Humping
Tango and Snatch
The Loin King
Splendor in the Ass
Analize This
and the winner… Jurassic Pork

I’m sure you’ve got some of your own. Feel free to add them in the comments section.

…Oh, and to CJ/RL or whatever name it goes by now: yes, I’m fully qualified to make up fake porno titles. My credentials have been inspected and vetted by the international fake porno title federation. So stop fretting about my qualifications and go back to pleasuring your sorry self to my glowing words of wisdom.

The way I blog is that I typically have 3 or 4 topics chosen days in advance, with links and arguments also saved. The problem with this method is that it assumes I’ll be in the correct mood to chart out a cogent argument when the time comes to attack a particular pre-assigned topic.

Well, today I’m not. So instead you get another “filler” link fest!

1. From Manoj comes this great video of an animal confrontation on the African savannah. If you watch it, make sure you watch the WHOLE thing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU8DDYz68kM

2. From Linda GF comes this mildly amusing (hilarious to academics) video of an unusual conference presentation:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yL_-1d9OSdk

(The associated PDF is here.)

3. Ed Wong sends us info about the Bloggies, the annual blogging awards. Know of anyone you’d like to nominate?

4. Cousin Ajay sends us this very important site celebrating …um… male mammaries:

http://manboobs.co.uk/

5. EK Hornbeck sends us this discussion that explores the needs of public health versus the civil libertarian mindset:

http://www.reason.com/news/show/119236.html

6. EK also sends us Jackie Mason’s take on exercice:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBD0AfwNoQA

7. Here’s a note to Rogers customer service and marketing: I’m already a customer, but a good way to lose me as a customer is to phone me every week to try and sell me new products. So stop it already!

8. Today’s Daily Perv Links (TM) are here and here. This is where I remind everyone that I am not advocating these acts, merely keeping track of them for largely epidemiological purposes. Please consult the disclaimer.

9. Lastly, here’s an animated GIF I stole off of someone’s MySpace page. It looks sooo familiar. Can someone tell me what it’s from?

Greetings, my droogies. I write to you from the Sea Breeze Hotel in Georgetown, Guyana, where I have arrived once again (and perhaps for the final time) to “do good”.

Two days of fever before even arriving here, and now two days of, um, gastric distress sufficiently foul to make one feel that one has spent the time as a large man’s prison bitch are enough to suck the joy out of what is otherwise yet another adventure for our enterprising young Epidemiologist.

I celebrated a break in the, um, gastric distress by allowing myself some much misses carbs: fried chicken and French fries. Mmmmm. I immediately regretted the choice. But such is life.

But let’s not wallow on matters parasitic. Instead, I offer my congratulations to Mr Adam Duncan who wowed us all with both his sitar and guitar playing Friday night at the inaugural concert of the Canadian Society for Indian Classical Music, a show for which I was the proud (and feverish) emcee.

Let us begin with today’s Daily Perv Link (TM). It seems it is no longer sufficient to get nasty with our furry friends; now it is also necessary for them to be dead. Last time it was a dead dog. This time, a dead deer. This story is particularly newsworthy because the perp bears a suspicious resemblance to my cousin Ajay. Luckily, Ajay was in Australia at the time of the crime.

EK Hornbeck sends us this NY Times extended feature on Al Gore. I tells ya: he will announce his candidacy this Fall. If he fails to be the next US President, I will refund all of your membership fees to this website. But by the looks of things, Gore seems to have bigger plans than the mere Presidency.

D-Mack sends us this list of stupid grammar mistakes. He also let’s us know about perhaps the stupidest lesson plan in history. And we wonder why American schools suck (though Canadian schools aren’t much better).

Well that’s all I got today. Internet access here is sketchy at best, so I make no promises that I can continue to blog daily for the next 10 days… but I will try!

Today’s Daily Perv Link (TM) is a follow-up of an earlier entry. As was reported in this space some time ago, Ronald E. Kuch was caught having penetrative sex with a dead dog. It seems he has been charged with sodomy and indecent exposure, and may be sentenced to up to 22 years in prison for his crimes.

So many questions abound, not the least of which being, “What the hell was he thinking?” But if40 years of life on Earth has taught me anything, is that one should never bother trying to understand the precise mindset of those on the fringes; some thoughts will always be inaccessible to us.

So, instead let us ask the logical question few in the mainstream will have the courage to publicly voice: what exactly did he do that warrants jail time? Indecent exposure? Sure, I’ll give you that. In my personal opinion, exposure of the human body should never be criminalized, but I recognize that my view is marginal at best, so I’ll let that one go.

But sodomy? Methinks the laws of many jurisdictions consider sodomy to be any sexual penetrative act committed by a man on anything other than a human vagina. By that definition, masturbation or the use of sex dolls and other such personal apparatus would also be illegal. Seems a stretch to me.

As readers of this blog know, I am quite horrified by the increasing reports of the sexual abuse of animals. Cruelty against a living animal usually nets a perp a few months or a hefty fine and community service –never 22 years! In my opinion, those who physically harm living animals in anything other than an agricultural capacity deserve to experience the full heft of our penal system.

But a dead animal? The law recognizes the dishonouring of a human corpse to be a crime, but says nothing of non-human corpses.

Put aside the obvious ooginess of the act, but explain to me how coitus with a dead animal is any more wrong than playing football with a plucked chicken (what, you haven’t tried that?) or treating a side of beef as a punching bag (you saw Rocky, right?) I’m legally allowed to do any disgusting thing I want to a hunk of steak I buy from the grocery store, even –let’s be blunt– get jiggy wi’ it.

So, in our society which treats animal flesh as a commodity like any other, how is the placing of one’s penis in dead animal flesh a crime? Well, maybe this deer has an answer.