Ass Pickles

Back from my sister’s magnificent wedding in New York. Photos are forthcoming, so do stay tuned. In fact, I’m considering disposing of my new expensive studio headshot (see last post) and replacing it with a drunken shot of me stumbling about at the reception. No, seriously.

I’ve mentioned my prediction for the 2008 US federal elections several times in this space, but I want to note it again so that when this improbable scenario comes to pass, you’ll all remember that I called it first. Forget Hilary Clinton. Forget John McCain and Rudy Giuliani. The next President of the USA will be Al Gore. He might do it as an Independent or as a Democrat, but his win will be decisive and he will inherit the economic and security problems created by BushCo, for which history will incorrectly blame him.

I’m in Toronto right now so don’t have access to all the stuff I’ve been saving to post here. I will however, share with you a letter printed in Sunday’s Toronto Star in response to my recent article:

If Raywat Deonandan, an international health consultant and epidemiologist,
really believes that high-level competition does not develop any useful skills,
we can only hope that he peddles his consultations internationally and does not
publicize that he is from Canada.

He places no value on the perseverance and teamwork necessary for
professional athletic success. He dismisses the ’92 Blue Jays as “a bunch of
American millionaires.” That group was definitely not “a bunch” but a team,
which not only achieved great success but also brought incredible joy, civility
and a bonding camaraderie to our city as we celebrated their championship runs.
The real beauty of athletic brilliance surpasses national borders.

Many of us fall short of our dreams but the skills we learn along the way
help us to forge healthy lifestyles, provide leadership in our communities and
become team-oriented problem-solvers. Is there any coincidence that
extracurricular activities (especially team activities) are a prized addition to
a university application?

The skills necessary to be a high performance athlete can only be
produced through years of diligence. Sidney Crosby didn’t “just become” a super
hockey player. As for your prized spelling skills, apparently there’s Spell

-Peter Artkin, Unionville

Man, someone needs to extract the pickle from his ass. My article was satire, buddy. Know what that is?