Acuball

How much Ibuprofen can one man take? Day two of my latest migraine and I’ve decided to get out of bed and pretend to go about my day as if I were pain free.

Speaking of pain, I was at this yoga fest thingy in Toronto this weekend when I saw a demonstration of something called the acuball. I bought one on the spot as therapy for my various back woes. The next day, after an evening of use, I was pain free for the first time in months! I wasn’t cured, but I was certainly better!

I was so pleased with the device that I took it with me to my various appointments, visits and lectures. Leaving the children’s hospital, I got on the University shuttle bus to make my next lecture and reached into my bag for my acuball, hoping to sink into its analgesic bliss for the duration of the ride.

But horrors! It was gone! I ran off the bus and retraced all my paths. In my next lecture, I put up a slide of the acuball and commanded 200 students to keep an eye out for it. I emailed the manugacturer and asked how fast they could send me a replacement ball!

Then I got an email from Jane, a friend I visited at the hospital. Apparently she had found a strange blue spherical device in her office, and was concerned (given that it originated from me) that it was some sort of diseased pervy contraption. The following image was attached, with the tag line, “Unidentifiable item, possibly hazardous”:

Apparently further experimentation was performed on said device, as evidenced by this photo of Nasty Nicky B investigating the benighted acuball, labelled “Operation Disease Ball”:

I’m pleased to report that after much negotiation, the acuball was returned to me in a brown paper wrapper at a meeting held at twilight by the banks of the Rideau canal. Details of the transaction will remained sealed.

In Other News…

Everyone has been sending me the news that Indo-American actor Kal Penn is joining the Obama White House. The problem is that the news comes with a massive spoiler from the TV show House, from an episode that I had not yet seen.

Thanks for nothing, everyone.