Weekly Twitter Tweets for 2011-07-04

So sad when Howard Stern is America's most vocal and convincing public defender of evolution and science #fb #
Damn, I look good. #fb #
Why do I always get migraines on long weekends? (Aside: thanks, codeine!) #fb #
:Twitter haiku 297 – "Canada style change / New official animal / Is the, um, Bieber" #fb #
Driving to Toronto in a couple of hours. Anyone want a ride? (No friends of friends, please; only people I actually know.) #fb #
Dear royal couple: thank you for making driving in Ottawa a nightmare. I think you should go home now. #fb #
The CHEO cafeteria is "Will & Kate" themed today. I had the shepherd's pie 'cause, you know, it's like all royal and stuff. #fb #
RT @mrtimlong: "Holy fuck, this song sums us up perfectly!" — Africans, after hearing the song "Africa" by Toto. #
Always a bad sign when someone misspells her own profession on a dating site profile. #fb #
Time for my 1:AM cheese omelette and Top Gear break… #fb #
Whoa. Just found a pot of old (but still valid) frequent flyer points with a bunch of American carriers. Hmm. Where shall I go next? #fb #
Just saw a cyclist with a cell phone literally strapped to the side of her face. Yeah, that looks safe. #fb #
RT @navalang If an authoritative body ever found a way to denigrate punctuation, grammar, cats AND baking, y'all would lose your f-ing minds #
Oh come on, Royal Bank! After making me jump hoops to open a business account, now you're gonna phone-spam me and not leave messages? #fb #
Hey, I know that smell. Oh Ottawa, are ALL your buses filled with stoners? #fb #
Note to self: my bluetooth headphones carry sufficient charge to last one whole Toronto-Ottawa train ride… minus 20 minutes 🙁 #fb #
Inbox down to 150 #fb #
"Canada has 10-20% fewer douchebags than the USA does." -Joe Rogan #fb #
On the 6am Via train to Ottawa. Anyone else here? #fb #
I got mail! And it's all bills 🙁 #fb #
Argh! Can't get my inbox under 200! #fb #
Arrgh! Attention Porter Air pilot: "momentarily" does NOT mean "in a moment." The Grammar Nazi has spoken. #fb #
Steven Wright is writing a novel on Twitter. Yes, I'm late to the news, but it's still cool. http://t.co/cj1nwnE #fb #